


Heroes Don't Exist

by Isabellx



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: 6 dream, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fire, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jeno is tired, Lee Jeno-centric, References to Depression, Self-Indulgent, Swearing, Taeyeon mentioned, background information not needed but encouraged, dead end au on twitter, explores themes of capitalism, go check it out please, mention of drugs, no ships, yangyang mentioned, you can read this as a stand alone though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isabellx/pseuds/Isabellx
Summary: Dead End AU (on twitter) but from the perspective of Lee Jeno;Jeno follows Winwin on his ambitious mission to kill his boss, Taeyong. Jeno has a lot to consider for this decision, not only including the safety of his family but also his conscious. Can a murder committed under a loyal relationship be justified for the sake of the greater good?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	Heroes Don't Exist

**Author's Note:**

> hello! so the dead end interactive AU on twitter was phenomenal so I decided to make fic based on it from jeno's perspective. all ideas and plot points are 100% theirs. their work was incredible and I very much recommend reading it before reading this! it'll give you more insight and understanding of what's going on. you can read it here: https://twitter.com/deadendAU. however, this fic should be easy enough to follow on its own. i also have to admit, some of this might not be 100% accurate to the au, but i did my best. i hope you enjoy it !!!!  
> (excuse any spelling mistakes heh)

Taeyong dismissed them. He said he had wanted to talk with Jaehyun privately in his office, and Jeno had at this point knew all too much what that would entail. Jeno had around an hour of break time before going back on duty as one of the security guards to CEO Lee Taeyong. Usually, he would go visit Chenle in the social media sector of Neo Replay Entertainment, but today he was more tired than usual and didn’t feel up to a conversation with his friend. It seemed Hendery had taken notice of his tiredness too.

As Jungwoo walked down the hallway away from Taeyong’s office all too eager, Hendery turned to Jeno, a look in his eyes as dead as ever, “You look like shit, kid.” Jeno let out a dry laugh and the two walked together, opposite the direction Jungwoo was headed.

“Thanks, Hyung.” Jeno crossed his arms over his chest and looked to Hendery. Jeno often envied him. The way Hendery seemed to have no worries, nothing holding him down. He was free. “It was uhh… another late night. I didn’t get much sleep.”

“What kept you up so late?” Hendery asked. His hands were held behind him and he walked with his back straight like he had a purpose. His gaze was set in front of him.

Jeno frowned and looked down at his shoes. Even if the two of them didn’t talk much, every time they did, Hendery reminded Jeno of the way his father used to hold himself high. Or used to, at least. “Nothing much, just some chores around the house and had to fix a broken television.” False. The stove had broken and Jeno had driven all over Seoul to find one but to no avail. Then, until six at dawn, he was up to his knees in bills. He left the house at six-thirty for work.

“Hm.” Hendery hummed. “Don’t let it affect your work performance. That’s the third day this week now you’ve been sleep deprived.” The two stopped in front of the elevator. Stretching his arm out, Hendery pressed the up button. He paused and looked at Jeno. For a second, it seemed he wanted to say something. But with a ding of the doors, Hendery blinked and stepped into the elevator. Turning to Jeno, he raised an eyebrow at him.

Jeno saluted sloppily. He felt so weak. “Yes, sir.” And as the doors closed on Hendery, Jeno saw a look he’s never seen on Hendery; sadness.

-

Somehow, Jeno had managed to drag himself to the cafeteria on the first floor without collapsing. Eating a cheap quick meal, he desperately hoped to refill whatever energy he could. Hendery was right, he couldn’t let his emotions hinder his job performance. Taeyong’s kindness to Jeno could only extend so far, and Jeno wasn’t about to risk that limit. Especially not with his family. With his father’s inability to work and growing depression, his mother working as a cheap maid 24/7 for a rich family and little sister just finishing second grade, the family’s future lay in Jeno’s hands whether he could handle it or not. Jeno doesn’t try to think about this. Better to work hard and focus on the target: getting his paycheck every month. So, he lives by a simple philosophy: no risks. No risks were what gave Jeno a steady present, but it’s what was also preventing a positive future.

But, as mentioned, Jeno doesn’t try to think about how much he’s sacrificed. He doesn’t think about his could have been architectural career. Doesn’t think of the fire that ruined his dad. He never thinks about the call he received from the hospital that day- the alarm and lonely fear he felt when he was told his father was exposed to the fire that ravaged the Production Department. But if Jeno really thinks about it, he can hear the whispering policemen and hear the fakeness in Taeyong’s voice- ‘If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.’

Good thing Jeno doesn’t think about it too much.

“Careful there, don’t want our beloved Taeyong’s security guard choking on us now. Don’t eat all at once,” Jeno was interrupted by Winwin, sliding into the bench opposite of him, laying his thermos on the wooden table. He smiled weirdly at Jeno while he pulled his chopsticks apart. The smile seemed like he was trying to be nice, but his bold disposition threw off the warm greeting.

Jeno frowned and lowered his styrofoam cup of ramen. “Uh, hi.” He said, watching curiously as Winwin opened him thermos and dug into his meal of shrimp fried rice. Jeno knew Winwin, but he wouldn’t exactly call them friendly. He knit his eyebrows and paused for a second. “Is anything the matter? Is Taeyong calling for me?” Jeno’s eyes widened as he entertained the possibility of overgoing his break time. As he hastily looked at his watch, Winwin chuckled earnestly.

“You worry too much about Taeyong.” He bit into a shrimp tail and pointed his chopsticks with the rest of the body at Jeno’s face, “Don’t get so paranoid about him.” He continued eating.

Jeno relaxed, but still frowned at the unexpected visit. He was hoping to get some alone time and he didn’t really expect anyone to be in the cafeteria at 3:45 during working hours. “Er, shouldn’t you be working?”

Winwin stopped eating for a second. Dropping his chopsticks, he moved his thermos to the side and placed his chin on the palm of his hand. He gazed at Jeno like a scientist would chemical reactions. Like Winwin could list every characteristic Jeno possessed. “You know Jeno, I like you. You’re very, very loyal.” His eyes shined, “I’ve heard Renjun compare you to a dog once.”

Jeno broke eye contact with Winwin. He suddenly didn’t feel very hungry, nor safe at that moment. Winwin never struck him as a shifty guy. From far away he seemed normal and passive. Jeno played with his tie, not sure how to respond. The cafeteria stayed quiet for a few seconds, only the hum from the vending machines present. Jeno refused to make eye contact. Whatever this was- a prank or a passing fancy Winwin had to annoy Jeno- wasn’t something he had the mental capacity for.

“Who do your loyalties lie with?” Winwin said, clear and concise, eyes still analyzing Jeno’s face. A chill ran up Jeno’s back at the oddly suspicious question and he glanced up.

“That’s a strange question to be asked.”

“Ah, but I have asked it anyway. Who do your loyalties lie with, Jeno? Your family? Friends? That Taeyong you worship so dear?”

“I don’t worship him,” Jeno mumbled. He didn’t like that word to describe his relationship with Taeyong. Sure, Jeno admired his work ethic and him offering him a job, but that’s where the admiration ends. Jeno was sure and aware of the difficult situation Taeyong had placed Jisung in, the unfair tragic romance of Kun and Lucas. Everyone suspects that Doyoung being fired was Taeyong’s fault somehow. And Jeno’s not oblivious to the money greedy hands of the rich. He’s heard enough of Donghyuck’s insistent one-sided arguments and him yelling, ‘Eat the rich!’

“Nah, you do. He gave you this shiny job, no? Without him, you’d be nothing. He just made you a little more than nothing.” Jeno gave all his attention to Winwin, scowling. Winwin smirked at the reaction. Jeno realized what he was doing.

“I’m not nothing without him. I’m-”

“Oh, you’re what? Hard-working? Bullshit. Take a look at your dad, take a look around you. Hell, look at yourself! Hard work doesn’t mean shit if the rich and privileged people remain in power.”

Jeno frowned. He could feel his chest constrict, he shouldn’t be thinking about this. Work- don’t think. “I should get to work-.”

“Please.” Winwin lifted up his hand on top of Jeno’s chest to keep him from fully standing. His voice sounded somewhat desperate, maybe if you were looking for it. “Just- who do your loyalties lie with?” Jeno paused and hesitated. This was weird; too weird. Winwin knowing about the nature of his dad, his strange distaste for rich people (Isn’t he rich??) and his sudden interest in Jeno were signs that should’ve told him to stay out of it. But because of his sleep-deprived brain and drive to get out of the conversation, he gave him.

Sitting down, Jeno sighed, “If I had to pick, at the end of the day regardless of wealth or jobs, my loyalty will always remain to my family. Obviously..”

Winwin grinned. For the first time that conversation, it was a happy grin. That was an answer Winwin had wanted. While the smile was still on his face growing wider by the second, he pulled out some lined sheets from his bag to his left, spreading it on the table in front of Jeno. There were lots of sheets all with scratchy penmanship covering the entirety of the pages. Jeno couldn’t make up what most of them said. Winwin placed one page in front of him, a blank sheet with one phrase written in red, bold strokes, “Operation Dead End.”

“Well, Jeno, do I have a story for you.”

-

Jeno tried not to show it or let it bother him, but it stung. When Renjun and Jaemin complained with one another about the stupid assignment the teacher had given them. When Renjun gushed about how well he did on his recent chemistry test. When Jaemin showed them his animation drawings. Sure, knowing his friends were succeeding made Jeno very proud of them. But knowing that he would never get to experience the life they lead hurt more.

That’s usually what Jeno felt when he hung out with his friends. He loved them to bits, but often on the rare occasion he could hang out with them, he would feel sorry for himself more than he enjoyed their time together. When Donghyuck was with them, it would sting less. But this time, he wasn’t really preoccupied with the feelings of envy. There were much more pressing and life-changing thoughts running through his head.

“Oye, I thought Yangyang was coming today?” Renjun said, his eyes trained on the huge flat-screen TV and Mario Kart reflected off his glasses.

“Nah he went out with Chenle and Jisung again today,” Hyuck responded, his head resting against Jeno’s shoulders on the couch while going through his phone.

Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck, and Jaemin were all hanging at Jaemin’s house. It was a Saturday morning and they were killing time before going to the pool in the afternoon.

“How much y'all wanna bet they get caught again tonight?” Jaemin’s laugh filled his room as he walked from his personal kitchen carrying four open beer bottles on a tray, handing one to each of the boys. “They gotta stop testing their limits, remember how pissed Yangyang’s parents were last time-”

“Ah, we all know those little shits won’t get any consequences any time soon.” Hyuck snorted and grabbed the beer bottle as Jaemin walked towards them. Jeno took one out of obligation.

“Yea yea.” Jaemin kissed his teeth and placed one of the beer bottles on the floor next to Renjun and pinched his cheeks. He placed the empty beer tray down on the coffee table and laid down on the couch, placing his legs in Jeno’s lap. Jaemin took a large swing of beer and sighed contently.

The low volume of the Mario Kart background music and the sound on Hyuck’s nails against his phone was a rhythmic sound in the large room. Jaemin’s house was nice and even if it was a large and wealthy estate, Jaemin and his parents never made it feel any less like home.

“Jeno, babe, you look more dead than normal.” Jaemin snorted, poking Jeno’s chest with his foot.

“Ah leave him alone, jerk, he’s had a long week,” Hyuck said, pushing Jaemin’s feet to the floor and hugged Jeno’s torso, glaring at Jaemin in the process. “Let him rest.” Jeno frowned. Why did he even come to hang out with them?

“Hmph. You always hog Jeno.” Jaemin stuck his tongue out and decided to occupy himself with watching Renjun fail miserably at the video game.

“So are ya’ll going to Taeyong’s party in two weeks?” Renjun spoke up as he lost another round. He threw the controller on the carpet and turned towards the other three boys, drinking his own beer.

Jeno’s heart stopped at the name and flinched. He felt his heartbeat spike dangerously and his thoughts became louder. Taeyong. The party. What should he do? His leg began to shake anxiously and Jeno opted for some beer. Not so that alcohol would make his decision for him, but so Jeno could gain the confidence to make the decision.

Hyuck looked at Jeno weirdly and let go of him. “Um, I don’t know guys. It’s not really something I’d-”

“Oh come onnnnn,” Jaemin wined, “Everyone’s going to be there! Hyuckie, you have to.”

Everyone’s going to be there. Winwin. Jeno. Taeyong... Yuta. Yuta! He was a nice guy to Jeno. He wouldn’t deserve this. But Taeyong was also a nice guy to Jeno. Does he deserve it?

“Ugh, I’ll think about it” Hyuck sighed. He would go anyways, for Jaemin of course.

“You’re going to be on duty during the party, no?” Jaemin said. It took a nudge from his foot for Jeno to realize Jaemin was talking to him. Jeno blinked. He didn’t trust his voice so he just nodded.

“Sucks how you can’t chill with us,” Renjun said.

How would his father feel about this? His sister! Murdering someone in cold blood isn’t something a little sister should look up to. Cold blood. Would there be blood?

Hyuck gave Renjun a glare. “Oye don’t say that. You’re gonna make Jeno feel guilty.”

Renjun frowned back. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

Would Taeyong’s eyes be open or closed? People say that quick deaths leave the corpse with open eyes. Dead lifeless eyes. Would it be quick? Or slow enough for Taeyong’s soulful eyes to meet Jeno’s; for Taeyong to see that his murder was done by someone he had trusted in and made his personal security.

“Can we not fight this time, please?” Jaemin said before Hyuck could come up with a response. “We haven’t hung out just the four of us in, like, three months and I want to make the most I can now.”

“Fine,” Renjun said. “But all I want to say is how it bothers me when Hyuck assumes things. You take everything the wrong way!”

Hyuck shook his head. He didn’t really seem mad, more disappointed. “Honey, it’s not that. I just see things from a different perspective than you. That’s all.”

Renjun groaned loudly and waved his empty hand in a dismissive way. “It’s true!” Hyuck continued over his complaints. “Let’s take… hard work for example. Do you believe success is earned through hard work and resilience?”

Jeno finally took an interest in the conversation after being absent the whole day. Hard work. Winwin had talked to him about that. Hard work doesn’t mean shit if the rich and privileged people remain in power.

“Yes!” Renjun nodded and threw open his arms to exaggerate what he was saying. “That’s the whole point of hard work! You don’t become a doctor by just lounging around.”

“While that may be true to some extent- that’s your opinion based on your perspective,” Hyuck explained with a shrug.

Jeno decided he wanted to learn more about what Winwin had really meant. “What do you mean?” He said softly. The gears in Jeno’s head rolled as his thoughts became more clear.

Hyuck looked at him a tad bit surprised and continued. Neither Jaemin nor Renjun dared interrupt. Even if they did have their disagreements, they were all still friends and had promised to listen to one another always.

“Richness, money, privilege- whatever you wanna call it- it changes the way people see society, changes the way they see work. Those who are born into wealth will never understand the worth of money until it’s taken away. Those born into a family with good connections won’t have to social climb. You got different people that have lived different experiences. And these experiences give you different definitions of certain things- like hard work and success. On Renjun’s hand- yes working to become a doctor or whatever is hard work. But how you got in a position to study that field wasn’t. Your parents helped you, whether intentionally or not. You don’t have to get a job to get that education. Hell, you’re parents are already in that field. You don’t have to sacrifice anything for an education. You have time to go after your passion. So your idea of hard work is only what you’ve experienced- school. But for me, it’s not anything like that. It’s hard to get successful opportunities if you’re just living day by day. You know, I can’t afford to think of the big picture. Prices are just getting more expensive. Bills are piling up. Can’t get a decent job without an education. And I can’t get an education if I don’t have a decent job.

“But okay, let’s say I do get enough for college. All bright-eyed and bushy-tailed I start my classes. Let’s say all personal issues are healed- not likely by the way. Okay, let’s say I finally get a good job at a company after graduating. I’ve got a shiny new boss whose kitchen is bigger than my whole apartment. He’s lived a lavish life who has not needed to work hard for where he is now. Sure, maybe he takes his work seriously. But the disregard for those under him certainly doesn’t make up for the number of hours he works. Fuck it, let’s call him Taeyong if this is all gonna be hypothetical. New boss Taeyong doesn’t give a shit about me. I work there for three years- five years. I do the best damn work anyone’s ever fucking done there. His buddy from college comes in looking for a job; for my job. All he’s got is a half-assed degree in marketing and a wallet filled with daddy's filthy cash. Who do you think Taeyong’s gonna screw over?” Renjun looks like he wants to say something. Jeno definitely wants to say something. But Hyuck keeps going. 

“Ah, you know where this is going! You might think that wouldn’t happen, right? Well, that right there proves my point. People work so hard- people like Jeno work so hard. While people like Taeyong hire people like him out of pity! They don’t care, babe. All they care about is money and making sure that they never get caught. Yangyang, Chenle, and Jisung are never gonna get caught. The rich might be the 1 percent but that 1 percent will outmatch all the 99 percent that comes after them.” Hyuck laughed dryly and raised his beer bottle. “To the one percent.” He drank the last of his bottle and got up hastily, banging it on the coffee table. “I gotta use the washroom.” He almost whispered and walked away from the three other silent boys. Leaving in style. That’s what Hyuck was usually known for.

Jeno wasn’t sure what was going through the minds of Renjun and Jaemin. Embarrassment, maybe. Confusion, maybe even anger. Jeno didn’t know nor care.

All he knew was one thing. Hyuck was wrong. The 99 percent will outmatch the 1 percent.

He knew what he had to do.

-

Jeno has watched a fair share of action movies in his life. Action movies filled with gruesome murders and intense violent scenes of bad guys dying. The main heroes in these action movies always seemed fearless to Jeno. They did something for the greater good and were worshipped for it. But Jeno wasn’t a hero in an action movie. There was no love interest, there was no celebration. This was real life. Winwin called what they were doing “heroic,” but Jeno felt more like an assassin than anything else.

Winwin had also said to be ready by the time dinner started. Drugging Yuta was vital to the whole plan, so Jeno couldn’t make any mistakes with this or he’d risk them getting caught.

Which was why Jeno was huddled on the floor in the bathroom in Taeyong’s house twenty minutes before dinner was to be served. He hugged his legs and took deep breaths, shaking very much and feeling like he was going to vomit. The adrenaline rush he felt at Jaemin’s house the week before was long gone, replaced by anxiety and doubt. At that moment, he felt more alone than ever. It consumed him from head to toe, suffocating him. His breaths were more and more uneven. Jeno’s vision became blurry; he couldn’t tell if it was from the tears or not. All Jeno could feel was the cold tiles beneath his feet and the coldness in his heart. All he could hear was the ringing in his ears.

He could’ve stayed in that paralyzed form for hours if it wasn’t for a startling knock from the door. At first, he didn’t hear the knock, but then the person banged louder and spoke up, “Jeno, is that you?” It was Renjun.

Jeno gasped, his head still throbbing as he clawed at the bathroom door, making sure it was locked. He cleared his throat and frantically wiped his face. Jeno prayed that Renjun couldn’t tell the shake in his voice when he answered yes.

“Taeyong was asking where you were, we’re eating dinner in five. Are you, uh, okay?” Renjun voiced hesitated. The doorknob shook a little. “I can hel-.”

“No!” Jeno said a little too loud and stood up, “no, no, I’m good. Just my allergies acting up again. Tell Taeyong I’ll be there in a second.” He made a point to exaggerate his steps and turn on the faucet to wash his face. “Thanks, Jun.”

Renjun hesitated slightly. Jeno only relaxed once he heard the other’s footsteps receding. He let out a deep breath and splashed water on his face. For a minute, he stared at his dripping face in the large, expensive mirror. Renjun said dinner was in 5 minutes, how long was he just sitting there?

He felt defeated after losing control. Defeated and empty. Jeno gripped the counter. He felt empty, yes, but there was still something he had to do. Better to feel empty as a free man than feel empty in jail. Jeno let all emotions leave his face and took in five deep breaths rhythmically. He scolded himself for acting selfishly. He had Winwin to think about and everyone Taeyong has ever done wrong. He had to think about his dad. This wasn’t about Jeno, it was about something bigger.

Jeno was good at pretending stuff. Walking out of the bathroom and smiling at everyone he passed, his mind was clear and concise. He knew what he had to do and at that moment that’s all that mattered. Jeno didn’t feel like a hero. If the shoe fits, wear it.

The rest of the party went exactly how Winwin had said it would go. Yuta denied the drink from Winwin, so Jeno stepped in, offering the wine bottle to Taeyong. Just like Winwin said he would. Taeyong ate his dinner. Jeno spent the rest of the night vigilant, socializing as normal and only talking to the mastermind of the plan once, giving him confirmation that Yuta had taken the drugged drink. He watched every little thing and took note of what Taeyong did. Of course, the fight between Taeyong and Ten was not expected, but it helped Winwin and Jeno. Jeno had stolen Ten’s ring with the utmost stealth during the debacle. Being a security guard maybe hasn’t been a complete waste. The fancy ice sculpture in the yard also fell to the floor, breaking into big pieces. It made their job easier.

No one suspected anything. Of course, no one would suspect him anyways. The adrenaline was coursing through his veins and Jeno felt like there was spy music playing at the back of his head. By the time the party was done, everything for later that night was set in place. Jeno and Winwin split up, sharing one final look before going their separate ways. Winwin went with the others to the Wong residence and Jeno went to the camping area.

It wasn’t long after leaving the party that the campsite for the kids was set up. Jeno said his goodnights to the others and went to his first assigned post. It was a clear night, with the only noise coming from the crackling of the dying bonfire and the distant ripples of the pond. The calmness cleared Jeno’s head and reminded him of childhood memories. Lighting campfires with his dad and the airy laugh of his mother when toddler Jeno burned his marshmallow. Jeno’s heart clenched.

He picked up his radio and spoke clearly, “Check one. Everything good? Over,” The three guards, Hendery, Jungwoo, and Jeno, were positioned around the campsite (or should have been) as Taeyong ordered them to, all spread out around. Jeno was close to the campsite, but still a fair distance away that made the figures ambiguous.

Hendery confirmed but Jungwoo’s end remained silent. “Some leader he is.” Hendery made an off-hand comment after the silence, “Keep the channel open, Jeno. Alert me if you see or hear anything.” He didn’t wait for a response and the static ended.

Jeno found Jungwoo’s disappearance odd but prayed that it wouldn’t interfere with the plan in any way. If anything, it gave him one less thing to worry about while taking his leave.

Jeno was once again shrouded in silence and counted the minutes down in his head. “I’ll meet you at his house, Jeno. But you have to remember you gotta show up at Taeyong’s house alone. Alone, Jeno. That’s crucial, no one can know you’re there.” Winwin’s head rings in his ears.

“How am I supposed to leave without being suspected?” Jeno had voiced his problem.

“That’s your problem.” Winwin shrugged and went on with the plan.

Jeno could see Hendery’s silhouette near the forest’s edge. Surely he would see Jeno leave his post. So Jeno waits. He’s thankful it’s not a cold night as he waits. No noises mark any red flags.

At 2:50 Jeno gets a text message from Winwin. Hey, Ten was wondering if you could bring wine over to Taeyong’s. Ten’s real sorry but won’t admit it, so it’d be great if you could talk for him. That was the code to leave his post in five minutes. “Just in case,” Winwin had explained.

Jeno was running out of time. But then, the perfect distraction presented himself. From the campsite, Jaemin’s bright pink head stuck out comically from the tent. He crouched as he left the clearing, turning right on the path. The bag he was holding all but confirmed what Jeno thought Jaemin was doing. To Jeno, Jaemin was never slick while dealing drugs. Jeno turned on his radio again.

“Hendery. Jaemin, the pink-haired kid, he seems to be leaving the site. Went right. Want me to check on it?” Jeno already knew what the answer was before he saw Hendery’s figure turn around and watch Jaemin’s retreating figure from afar.

“No, I’ll check on it. Stay here.” He responded and followed Jaemin, keeping a clear distance. Jeno lets out a breath of relief and laughs slightly. Thank fucking god.

Jeno made his way to Taeyong’s estate through the trees. The shadow from the trees and the dark of the night shrouding him from everyone else. The worst had yet to pass.

-

It was easy getting in. Taeyong’s face was tired when he opened the door, but upon seeing Jeno’s face, it changed to a happy one automatically. That startled Jeno.

When he first stepped into the house, Jeno’s brain switched into airplane mode. Like an out of body experience, he felt himself smiling and saying things instead of actually making his body do it. He had told Winwin he learned the skill while standing on duty for long hours as a security guard, training himself to react to the slightest noise. Winwin had been quite impressed at that.

Jeno felt himself pour the wine for Taeyong, heard himself decline to a glass of his own. The biggest thing Jeno could really feel was his heartbeat pounding against his rib cage. Don’t touch anything.

After a while, Taeyong looked shaky and drunken. His words slurred together; the aftermath of the drugs and wine in his system. Jeno couldn’t focus on the words, only staring at Taeyong’s bloodshot eyes. So when Taeyong’s eyes showed an emotion rather than indifference, focusing on something from behind Jeno, Jeno’s senses kicked in. He heard boots hit the marble floor from behind him.

“Winwin?” Taeyong questioned and tried to stand up. But once he had walked a bit in Winwin’s direction, his legs gave up under him. Taeyong hit the floor at Winwin’s feet.

“God, you look pathetic.” Winwin mused. Jeno could only stare at the two.

“Jeno, c-could you help me up?” Taeyong had said shakily, ignoring Winwin’s words. He looked pathetic and feeble, shivering against the floor. Winwin smirked. Jeno remained glued to his seat.

“Jeno, I said help me up!” Taeyong snapped when Jeno didn’t respond. Jeno felt his heart leap, but he remained still. 

Winwin had laughed a bit, kneeling down and grabbing Taeyong by his hair. Taeyong yelped at the sudden contact and was forced to look at Winwin in the eyes. “You and I have unfinished business.” Violently, Winwin began to pull Taeyong by his hair to the back door. Taeyong screeched this time, clawing at Winwin’s hand and moving his legs to alleviate the stress his hair was under.

The sound Taeyong made alarmed Jeno, springing him to his feet. He prayed the noise wouldn’t be heard by others. Jeno followed them. He watched as Winwin dragged Taeyong outside, letting him go harshly on the cement. Winwin talked for a while, saying things that he had told Jeno once. His feelings of vengeance for his dead parents lit up his expression. With the amount of passion in his voice, Jeno was sure his voice would crack. But Winwin didn’t. He finished his speech and walked towards the ice sculpture, shattered on the floor with spikes and edges gleaming in the moonlight. Winwin looked for a good-sized one.

It sounded more like a choke, but Jeno was sure Taeyong had laughed while Winwin’s back was to him. The laugh sounded evil. “So you’re going to kill me? That’s your big plan?”

Winwin made a satisfying noise as he picked up a shard, rolling it around in his hands. He turned back to Taeyong and nodded. “Yep.” The whole ordeal looked like a walk in the park for Winwin.

Taeyong just laughed again. In the haggard state Taeyong was in, it was jarring to hear such a noise come out of him. He rested his body on his elbow and looked up at Winwin. Slowly, Jeno made his way to Winwin’s side, his steps slow and shaky. “That’s not a very bright idea,” Taeyong said between deep breaths. The wine and drugs were a perfect combination, both working together to bring him to his worst state. “Your fingerprints will be all over the crime scene. And Jeno’s here-.” Taeyong stopped. He looked Jeno in the eyes, realization decorating his face. Jeno felt something in him crack. He felt tears well up in his eyes and all he could think about was the disappointment and angry face Taeyong wore.

Jeno wanted to say something, so he did. But Taeyong wouldn’t let him finish the first word. “Even you, Jeno? I give you a job, I help you support your family, and this is what you fucking do to me? You conspire to KILL ME-?” Taeyong tried to get up hastily, but before Jeno or Taeyong could make any rash decisions, Winwin went down. He used Taeyong’s shocked state of mind to use the ice piece on Taeyong suddenly, applying a large force to the back of his head.

Taeyong fell.

-

There was a story Jeno read once, about a once emperor of Rome. Julius Caesar. It was a passing read, something he just stumbled across. The story was simple; a story of a dictator whose ambitions grew beyond his role in society. Seeing his passion as a threat to the balance to the republic, the senators of the country had conspired to kill him. One of them being Brutus. He was a young one, taken under the wing of the emperor of Rome. He was saved from death and brought to live with Julius thanks to the emperor's kindness for Brutus. The decision to aid in the murder of his “mentor” wasn’t one Brutus made rashly, but in the end, influenced by the greater good. At the time, the story meant nothing. It was just a shitty part of history Jeno forgot soon after reading about it. But the dynamic of Brutus and Julius still remains. Does a personal relationship of gratitude allow for betrayal as grand as murder? Or should loyalty remain strong regardless? Could Brutus ever be considered a hero?

-

Jeno wasn’t sure where all the blood had come from. Jeno doesn’t remember there being blood on Taeyong while dragging his body into the pool. Then again, maybe there was he just wasn’t able to see it or focus on it.

It was only until he and Winwin entered the security guard that Jeno was able to see it. The bright red splotches on his hands, arms, and white button-up shocked Jeno as he looked at himself in the tiny mirror. Jeno fell on the floor and began to yell for Winwin. On his knees, he scratched at his shirt, yelling for the substance to get off him. But the more he scratched the more the blood spread, reminding Jeno of who it came from. The smell filled Jeno’s senses, making him panic even more. It made him feel like he was drowning in the blood, unable to climb out of its grasp. He shook violently.

Winwin came from the sink and tried to calm Jeno down, placing his hands on Jeno’s cheeks so he could focus on his eyes. But all Jeno could recognize was the drip of viscous blood rolling down his face from Winwin’s wet hands.

“Shut the fuck up, Jeno!” Winwin said, squeezing Jeno’s head but Jeno couldn’t help it. All at once, all his senses left him. For the first time in forever, he let the shadow cast over him, consuming him. He felt everything and nothing. Years of his pain paired with the reality of what he did yelled in Jeno’s head in the form of memories, faces, sleepless nights, and colours. Jeno yelled again out of anguish.

Winwin took pity and wrapped Jeno in his hands, cradling him. They rocked back and forth, and Winwin didn’t try to shush him again. Jeno didn’t notice when the door opened. He didn’t notice it was Hendery who had come, hearing the cries from his post. Hendery and Winwin cleaned all the blood up, getting a clean shirt for him, all while remaining at his side. Eventually, Hendery had left and at that point, Jeno’s yells had stopped. The faces and noises had ceased but the thoughts remained strong. Winwin finally let go of Jeno and rested against the wall, staring at the ceiling.

Jeno was reminded of his father. The defeated look he wore every day, the look people wore when they had nothing left to fight for. Jeno had wondered all the time why his father had felt that way. More than once, he blamed himself for his father’s misery. Felt like he wasn’t a good enough son to cheer up his own father.

Jeno’s eyes sharpened and he looked over at Winwin, his eyes closed and body posture defeated. Like Dad. Jeno crawled over to Winwin at a slow pace. He was still shaking and breathing heavily, but tried his best to stop the stutter, “A-are y-y-you okay?” Jeno leaned against his side.

Winwin laughed and patted Jeno’s thigh, “You’re mad. Too good for this world.” He took a deep breath, “I’m fine kid. I’m the one who should be saying something here. I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have dragged you into this.”

“No. N-no, don’t say that. I did the right thing.” It looked like it pained Jeno to say that. In his mind, he only saw the faces of his family and his friend Donghyuck. But he also couldn’t get rid of the image of Taeyong’s body.

Winwin paused. “But you’re not a hero.” It was the opposite of what he had told Jeno at the beginning.

“Taeyong wasn't... either,” Jeno responded. And they left it at that.

-

When the verdict came out, Jeno was surprised at how easily he, Winwin, and Hendery had gotten away from the crime. True to Winwin’s word, no one had suspected Jeno. He was eliminated from the suspect list early on. No one batted an eyelash at that.

Did Jeno want to be found guilty? Of course not, jail time was the very last thing he needed. But maybe a part of him wanted to be caught. To be reprimanded of the bad thing he’d done. But that didn’t happen. The day after the trial, Winwin, Jeno, and Hendery had a final meet up. Since after the night of the crime, Jeno was ordered not to talk about the incident with either of them, this was the first time since then that they had a chance to talk.

Jeno learned about how Hendery had cleaned off the crime scene and how he got rid of the loose ends. Of course, someone did end up seeing the commotion Winwin and Jeno made. It was Doyoung who saw the whole thing. That explains Doyoung’s death. When asked why he helped, Hendery brushed it off.

“No one can know what we did.” Winwin had said to the two of them, a serious look in his eyes. But despite his cold disposition, he seemed significantly better than the day of Taeyong’s death. He looked like a different person.

The same couldn’t be said for Jeno. Fear and anxiety followed him everywhere he went. As he couldn’t talk to anyone about what had happened, Jeno stayed to himself, hoping that eventually, his mind could move on. 

The three men parted that day and Jeno never saw the other two again.

-

For the six months that followed, Jeno never got any better. Nightmares of Taeyong’s face ravaged his dreams. Sudden noises alerted his nerves. And silence reminded him of the security room floor, where he felt himself drowning alone. His career didn’t get any better. With an uncertain future in Neo Replay Ent., Jeno had gone job searching again. Jungwoo had been fired because of the money theft, and Hendery had long disappeared. This left Jeno in charge of the nonexistent security team in the company. Human resources had told him to get another job, but they had his contact information in case. But Jeno didn’t remain hopeful so he stopped paying attention to the company. In the end, Jeno got stuck as a secretary for a lawyer at a law firm and worked during the night as a bartender. It was strange, considering his past credentials as a personal security guard for one of the most powerful figures in Seoul, but it turns out not many people wanted to hire a 19-year-old with a shitty high school diploma. It didn’t help that that powerful figure he “guarded” was also dead.

Jeno cut ties from his friends. Their regular meetups that Jeno had tried to make room from were turned down without a second thought. The ten calls from Hyuck a day went down to zero as Jeno ignored them over time. But Jeno secretly hoped that they would try to reach out better. Go to his house, give him a smile. Jeno didn’t realize how much he relied on his friends to ground himself until he scared them away.

Jeno wasn’t really sure what would happen after he killed Taeyong. It’s not like all his money would go to him. His father didn’t get better, electricity bills didn’t get any cheaper. It did the exact opposite of helping Jeno mentally. But Jeno continued on. His resilience and loyalty to his family were being tested like ever before.

The story of Julius and Brutus was similar to this. After Julius had died, the citizens of Rome had been furious. What the senators had hoped for didn’t come to light. They all ran away and their idea of the Republic wasn’t saved. As for Brutus, he ended up killing himself, ravaged from guilt.

Jeno hadn’t noticed any difference in rich people. Killing one powerful figure didn’t stop the way of things like the Senators had noticed. Hyuck was right. Even if Jeno thought that his one action was helping the greater good, it didn’t do anything. The one percent would outlast the 99 percent. Was Jeno’s fate that of Brutus?

-

It was a slow day at the bar. A group of girls around Jeno’s age were out celebrating their graduation of something (Jeno tried to ignore the pang in his heart about how much they reminded him of his friends) and the few drunk regulars. That was the only reason he answered his ringing phone that night. But before he could answer, a hearty voice spoke up, “Hi, is this Lee Jeno?”

“Yea, can I ask who this is?” Jeno responded, his phone tucked in the crook of his neck as he cleaned some of the glasses. He could feel his heartbeat and recognized the familiar feeling of fear that never left him.

The voice ignored the question. “Ah, great. Thank god I was able to get a hold of you, Chenle said it would be hard but I suppose not. Alright so I’ve been looking at your profile and I’d think you’d be great to bring back to work. Your recommendation from the past guard Hendery is immaculate, your skills are very impressive.” Jeno heard some papers ruffle, “Also I wanted to talk to you about your father. Donghyuck was telling me about what happened with Taeyong and I heard about what happened about the fire and his arm, I’m looking into the health care plan. I’m fairly certain I’ll be able to pull some funds to fully cover surgery and physical therapy.” Jeno dropped the glass that was in his hands. Was he hallucinating phone calls now? The voice continued. “Jisung also said that you were interested in architecture. If everything goes well, I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out with that too. I studied architecture, believe it or not. I think that covers everything. I’ll be sending Donghyuck over to your house in the morning tomorrow to pick you up for your interview. If that’s okay with you… So, Jeno?”

“I.. You. My dad? I’m sorry but are you sure-”

The person let out a laugh. But it was a kind-hearted one. It had been a while since Jeno heard one like that. It made his heart swell. “They told me you wouldn’t know what to say! I’m certainly not making any mistakes Jeno. Your marks from high school, the recommendation here, everything’s pointing to a wonderful employee. I should've led with this, but I’m Kim Taeyeon. They’ve reevaluated all the Neo Replay Entertainment. After the big thing about Taeyong’s death came out and those three boys were found guilty, all the news about the wrongdoings in the company was released to the public. Including the story of that couple that created the Dead End game that was killed. They got rid of all the chairmen, Taeyong’s father went into deep debt and was arrested. It’s really impressive how the company collapsed on itself. Anyways Donghyuck, your friend, used to work under me. Really good worker, I was really impressed by what he could do. Came up to me one day and suggested I buy the company. Long story short, we’re redesigning everything. Your friends Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung are going to be helping me. I was also talking to your other friends Jaemin and Renjun and they also vouched for you. I must say, you’re quite lucky to have all of them. Anyways, I’d like you to play a part in the company. That is if you’d like. Your salary will be increased greatly if that’s any consolation.”

“Umm, I’d be honored, ma’am. I’m sorry I don’t know what to say.” Jeno’s face hurt. He was smiling so widely. It had been a while.

“That’s quite alright! We’ll go through everything tomorrow morning! Have a good night's sleep, Jeno.”

“Yes, thank you! Good night!” Jeno tried to keep his voice steady, he could already feel his emotions overwhelming himself. Jeno ended the call and let out a laugh. He used the counter to support himself. This was all too good to be true. His father would be getting the proper help he needed and the possibility of a hopeful career was visible the first time in years. Tears fell from his eyes. Happy tears.

From behind him, Jeno heard the ring of the bell at the bar. Someone must’ve come in. For the first time, Jeno did his job with true happiness. “Hello, sorry for the wait! What woul-.” Jeno turned around to serve the new customers but stopped when he noticed who it was.

“Hey.” Donghyuck said first. His face was filled with guilt and love at the same time. Next to him, Jisung, Renjun, Chenle, and Jaemin wore the same expression.

Jeno didn’t wipe away the tears. He felt more well up. “You guys saved the company?”

“These shits didn’t do anything,” Chenle spoke up and pointed at Jaemin and Renjun. Jeno appreciated the comedic response, so he laughed despite the anger he felt.

“You guys left me,” Jeno said after a while. Despite him not talking to his friends first, their lack of trying still hurt him. He walked closer to them and grabbed onto Renjun and Donghyuck’s hand to make sure they were actually there.

“I know. And we’re so sorry.” Donghyuck squeezed back, “We wanted to give you space, but I guess that’s not what you wanted.” Jeno shook his head and let more tears fall. Jaemin grabbed his shoulder and leaned in for a hug. He whispered an apology under his breath. It was the most genuine Jeno Jeno had ever seen him.

“Johnny, Xiaojun, and Kun didn’t kill Taeyong, did they?” Renjun cut to the chase. Jeno stared at him and slowly shook his head.

“No.” He whispered.

Jisung was the first to walk around the counter and give Jeno a big hug. The others followed and Jeno let himself be vulnerable. Truly vulnerable. Not like in the security room where he was filled with anguish. He let himself be truly him. He allowed himself to be grateful for his friends that were with him. Who knew he wasn’t a hero and truly cared about him nonetheless. He let himself feel the first step to getting better: acceptance. He let himself feel and he promised himself he wouldn’t suppress anything anymore. He’d remain open, thankful, and honest in everything he does.

Of course, it wouldn’t be that easy, but little steps are all that Jeno needs.

Killing someone to be happy wasn’t the lesson to take out this. That didn’t make Jeno feel better, it’s not what changed things in Neo Replay Entertainment. Change came from speaking up about the things that were wrong and bringing to light the injustices as Donghyuck did.

Brutus wasn’t a hero in the end.

Heroes in movies aren’t considered heroes just because they kill for a greater good.

Being a true hero lies in the people around you, lies in your ability to speak up. Taking action and placing things in your own hands. Winwin killing Taeyong, at the end of the day, was only for his selfish personal reasons no matter how much he told himself it was for others too. So when Taeyong fell, Winwin left it at that. That’s not what a hero does.

At the end of the day, all of this is much bigger than Jeno will ever be. He just played a small part in the narrative. He will pay the price for that, Jeno was well aware of that.

But for now, let’s just let him enjoy the beginning of a new era for Jeno, filled with trying to get better and trying to let himself feel loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this is 100% thanks to the authors of dead end au on twitter they're seriously fantastic i was so immersed in the whole thing. yea this was a fun thing for me to do, thanks for reading if you did! give the au creators lots of love!!


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